In a stunning turn of events, the United States Congress has overwhelmingly rejected Senile Sam’s bid for an unprecedented and unconstitutional lifetime presidency. The 14-year-old president had been campaigning relentlessly for the past year, claiming that his “vast experience” and “unwavering leadership” were essential for the country’s stability.
However, lawmakers from both parties condemned Sam’s proposal as a blatant power grab that undermined the foundations of American democracy. “We will not allow our democratic institutions to be hijacked by a senile demagogue,” declared chief justice Jack Gregg. “The peaceful transition of power is a cornerstone of our republic, and we will defend it at all costs.”
Despite Sam’s insistence that he was the only one capable of guiding the nation through turbulent times, the bill to grant him lifetime tenure was swiftly struck down in a 412-20 vote. Celebrations erupted across the country as citizens breathed a collective sigh of relief, grateful that their hard-won freedoms had been preserved.
This decisive rejection of Senile Sam’s authoritarian ambitions serves as a stark reminder that in the United States, no individual is above the law or the will of the people.
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